If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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