Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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