My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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