It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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