Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
