Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
