nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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