i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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