My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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