Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Your dad touched me again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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