There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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