Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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