So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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