If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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