just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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