But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
