I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
