Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
