i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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