Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
