you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
