I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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