Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
