Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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