Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
