I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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