I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize