She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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