oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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