I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
