Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
