party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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