I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
