Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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