Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
