Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
