eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
