I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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