I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my poor anus
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize