you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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