As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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