Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
