we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
