ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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