Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
