my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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