I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
