About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
