Swine flu. Run for my life!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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