Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
