I will die if light touches me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
