meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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