i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
