Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
