hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize