Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
