They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
