Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
