It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
