Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
