If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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