I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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