and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
