My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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