Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
