I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
