OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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