they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
