Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
