i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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