Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i think we sleep fucked last night...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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