The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
