I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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