I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
